Let’s get this out of the way – that is a cheesy title for my first blog. However, I think there is something to such an inglorious opener. In 1 Corinthians 2:1-5, Paul says that he abstains from rhetoric because the Gospel does not need someone’s keen words to assist it. I think that truth also applies to our testimonies as Christians. Every alteration I make is superfluous and takes the glory away from God. So I start my story with that cheesy line “when I was zero years old”; because who cares about me when it’s God’s story?
When I was 0 years old, I was born into a Christian household.
At age 12, I fell into a lifestyle of sin. It wasn’t bad, as far as living in sin goes. I still had a long way to fall before turning to Christ.
At 13, it got a lot worse because I found out I was not alone. My friends were in the same place I was, except it seemed like I was the only one who did not want to be there. We all knew what we did was wrong, but finding out that we all did it made our sins seem acceptable. My new lifestyle had me on a one-way track to depression: I placed my worth in external things like running, looks, and social status.
Circa summer of 2018 at Camp Cedar Cliff, my counselor was Logan Decker. The guy had deep relationships, vulnerability, and passion. I turned to Christ after living with Logan for a week and seeing those aspects of the Spirit in him. Around the end of the first week, I told God everything in my heart and asked Him to give me life. When I went home from camp, nothing changed, literally. My friends continued their slide into sin, and I stayed where I was.
Next summer, I worked at camp. I changed because of the community there. They even have a name for it, “camposphere,” – pretty cheesy. The faith and boldness of my co-workers gave me a role model, which was crucial to my development. Another thing that helped my was that I had the honor of stepping up from my position as a counselor in training to an actual counselor for two separate weeks. I got the chance to lead others to Christ and live closer to those I looked up to. Leaving camp that summer, I entered into a paradox: I worked harder than ever at the things I did because I couldn’t keep being lukewarm, but I was also deathly afraid of trusting Christ with my future because what if I became a bum? My spiritual development that year was limited.
When I was 16 years old, I worked another summer at camp. Because of COVID, we only had day camp that summer, and we got exhausted. Nonetheless, I poured myself out like I never had before. It was hard, but I was on fire to pursue the Gospel as desperately as I had at camp when I went home. God used me through actions, and I focused on learning more about Him via courses and books.
I felt misplaced during the summer between my Junior and senior year. I didn’t pray about where God wanted me; I assumed it was camp. Even though I thought I should leave, I stayed. I felt useless that summer. In the end, God revealed to me how He had used me even though I screwed up a lot. I left that summer trusting in God like I never had before – I have my testimony of how powerful He is, even when I do everything wrong.
I wish I could have ridden that wave a little longer, but as soon as I got home, I started college applications and immediately lost my trust in God. I wanted what the world had to offer, and even thought I heard God’s voice telling me to pursue it. On January 1st, when all the fog had cleared, I realized I did not want any future I applied for.
I found, applied to, got accepted, and enrolled at Biola University in two weeks because I felt the call so strongly. But that still wasn’t enough. I felt God had more in store for me.
When my friend brought up a gap year, it wasn’t scary as months before. I had peace about it despite being expensive and delaying college. I applied to and got accepted to a program with the IMB and felt at peace. A week later, I realized I did not feel at peace with that program. I wrestled with the decision to apply for the Race but ultimately decided that is where God is calling me.
Moving forward, I’m not scared to raise 15,800 or scared of what my future holds. I know it is all in His hands and that my mission is to trust Him and spread His Gospel.
